Sacred Dissonance: Complex Trauma and Spirituality

“The traumatic event challenges an ordinary person to become a theologian, a philosopher, and a jurist. The survivor is called upon to articulate the values and beliefs that she once held and that the trauma destroyed. She stands mute before the emptiness of evil, feeling the insufficiency of any known system of explanation.”

-Judith Herman, 1992

Spirituality is a topic that resonates differently from one person to the next, particularly in those for whom childhood trauma was a reality.  For some, existential questions about a benevolent higher power ignite pain and anxiety.  Others may take great comfort and meaning from spiritual practices or beliefs. Still others hold matters of faith with great ambivalence, desiring a path to spiritual connection, but feeling deeply conflicted due to past suffering. In this essay, it is our intention to speak to the experiences of those at all places along this continuum: those who find solace in their spirituality, as well as those who have felt maligned in religious or spiritual communities.

Distinguishing religion and spirituality

Much of the academic literature links the terms religion and spiritual due to the way they overlap for many individuals. However, for many it is important to make the distinction between religion and spirituality.  Scholars have defined spirituality as a personal search for that which is sacred in life. Spirituality can include our values, purpose, sense of meaning, and connectedness to the world around us, and may or may not include a higher power or deity.  One’s spirituality is often shaped by family, community, or culture.  Religion is also a search for the sacred with many common characteristics, but is specifically organized around a set of beliefs and is most often observed collectively within a faith community.

Some may hold their particular religious tradition as important in the midst of their therapeutic process, and desire to retain connection with these practices.  Others recognize that they are in the midst of a spiritual journey, but do not connect to a specific tradition. The reflections in this essay are meant to apply broadly any of these possibilities, in whatever ways they feel most applicable to the reader.

Complex trauma shapes how we make sense of our world

The idea that complex trauma effects our fundamental belief systems and spirituality has been present in academic literature since Judith Herman’s seminal book – Trauma & Recovery.  In her definition of Complex PTSD, Herman included “alterations in systems of meaning” as one of the foundational components of long-term trauma impact. This refers to an erosion of one’s core beliefs, along with a sense of prolonged hopelessness and despair that can be endemic in the experience of a trauma survivor. Similarly, for generations indigenous cultures have used the language of soul wound to describe the depth of suffering that results from traumatic experiences.

Experiences of chronic abuse, deprivation, or loss can leave individuals struggling to believe in the possibility of goodness in the universe, or difficulty conceiving that they could be worthy of love or protection by a divine being.  This is particularly applicable when trauma exposure begins at an early age: the development of how we think about ourselves in relationship to others and the world is forming and evolving. Individuals are left with fundamental questions such as: “Am I lovable or worthy of protection?” “Are other people trustworthy?”  “Could the world ever feel like a safe place?” “Is there any good in the universe?” For those whose traumatic exposure is cumulative, often negative beliefs about self, others, and life in general become a predominant lens through which life is interpreted.  For some, their view and internal experience of spirituality or a higher power may be formed likewise.

Religion or spirituality as an ongoing source of struggle

There are a variety of reasons why trauma may intersect painfully with religious history.  For some, abuse and neglect occurred within a religious home or institution.  The same parents, mentors, or teachers who inflicted suffering or withheld affection were perhaps concurrently respected members of a religious community or religious leaders.   Moral values and practices espoused publicly by parents or leaders were incongruent with a victim’s actual experience of abuse or neglect at the hands of those caregivers.

The intersection of complex trauma and religious history can leave a lasting impact on one’s sense of self.  Guilt and shame are commonly ongoing struggles for trauma survivors.

Coupled with spiritual distress, guilt and shame hold additional weight, particularly for those who were raised in a faith tradition that identifies a deity/God.  Trauma survivors with a painful religious history might hold negative self-beliefs, such as:

• An individual who was sexually abused believes that God views them as disgusting.
• An individual who was chronically physically abused by her father and bullied at school believes she must have deserved the violence because God allowed it to happen.
• An individual believes they must be invisible and inconsequential to God, because they grew up in and out of rejecting foster care homes and were never adopted, even though they prayed and asked God for a family.

Additionally, the concept of sin present in some faith traditions can feel particularly triggering for a religiously affiliated individual.  Survival-based coping and self-soothing strategies common to complex trauma, such as substance use or engaging in sexual behaviors, might be perceived as sinful in some religious traditions.  This can lead to compounded guilt and shame in the trauma survivor, who feels further condemned by those who judge their behaviors rather than viewing them in the context of coping or survival.

When spirituality is directly connected to trauma exposure

More specifically, there are those who experienced spiritual abuse, which typically falls within the broader category of psychological maltreatment. Spiritual abuse involves the misuse of sacred beliefs, practices, or authority structures to justify emotional, verbal, physical, or sexually abusive behavior. A form of emotional manipulation, spiritual abuse might use guilt, shame, fear, or abuse of power to support maltreatment or exploitation.  Like other forms of psychological maltreatment, spiritually abusive behaviors can range from subtle to blatant on the part of the perpetrator.  Beyond childhood and family contexts, spiritual abuse is also important to recognize in vulnerable adult populations, such as adults in the LGBTQ community or individuals who have been victims of intimate partner violence.  In each of these examples, spiritual abuse can be a means of normalizing or justifying abusive behavior.

On the other hand…Spirituality as a resource and source of healing

There are many for whom spiritual beliefs or practices are a source of comfort, hope, or purpose in the midst of adversity. For some trauma survivors, helpful spiritual resources are connected to the religious or cultural tradition in which they were raised, and have served as a protective factor throughout frightening or painful seasons of life.  For others, discovering spirituality anew in adulthood can become a source of strength in their healing journey.

Becoming: Spiritual identity development and transformation

Often spirituality has been characterized as transcendent, facilitating the human ability to heal and move beyond self-beliefs and painful symptoms that were previously entrapping. The Greek origin of the word psyche translates as soul or spirit, suggesting that exploration of our deepest inner self is fundamentally a spiritual process.  For some survivors of complex trauma, there can occur what some have described as posttraumatic growth: growth that develops in response to past, prolonged adversity.  Metaphors that involve transformation (e.g. butterfly, dragonfly) have often been observed as spiritually meaningful: shedding a former version of one’s experience in order to make space for something new.  The lotus flower is another spiritual symbol: it originally develops in muddy water and emerges above the water’s surface to bloom in the light.  Trauma survivors have often likened spiritual transformation to such symbols in a variety of cultures and traditions, noting the lifelong capacity to become something more expansive than originally imagined. Listed below are various categories in which spirituality can potentially intersect with a path of growth or healing.

Self-regulation through spiritual practices and rituals

Research supports a wide range of spiritual resources that can cultivate self-soothing, increase coping capacity, and promote overall growth and wellness.  Participating in any number of these practices can be grounding, which is particularly helpful for trauma survivors who might experience intense distress in the form of hyperarousal, hypoarousal, dissociation, or a general sense of feeling disconnected from one’s body:

• Prayer
• Meditation
• Dance & rhythmic movement
• Drumming
• Yoga
• Singing or chanting
• Lighting candles
• Connection with nature
• Connection with history and ancestors

Spirituality as an inner guide

Engaging in spiritual practice can help individuals develop an increased sense of confidence and trust in themselves, as they begin to internalize and embody the wisdom of spiritual beliefs or figures.  For example, an individual dealing with chronic anxiety and panic due to past trauma might connect with the core tenets of Buddhism and learn to identify calming mantras in moments of elevated stress.   Another individual struggling with shame and negative self-image might resonate with the mythical stories of powerful Hindu goddesses and lean into messages around feminine spiritual strength.

Meaning and purpose

Often in trauma treatment, the term meaning-making is used to refer to the ways in which survivors can make sense of how to proceed in their lives moving forward.  Even though most who identify with a history of complex trauma cannot resolve questions such as “why did this happen to me?”, they might begin to identify the ways they have demonstrated resilience in the midst of adversity and build upon these life experiences. Engagement in spirituality is one way in which some individuals might recognize meaning in their present-day life, whether it be through identifying with their faith as a motivator for serving or advocating for others in need, or learning through experience that their own life has purpose despite past suffering.

Reclamation of power

Historically, identification with spiritual beliefs or a religious community has often been connected to a sense of empowerment and advocacy, particular for persons and communities of color.  For example, in the African American tradition, there is a rich history in the connection of faith and social justice, demonstrated in various segments of the civil rights movement.  Although racial trauma was also inflicted through religious force, participation in religious faith provided connection to God and a force for good that pushed back against the trauma of racial oppression.  Liberation theology developed as a movement in Latin America that demonstrated the capacity of individuals and communities to reclaim and embrace indigenous spiritual practices and critique social injustice, even in the midst of what was often forced conversion and oppression.  No matter what one’s cultural identification, spirituality can serve as a means of empowerment as an individual discovers values and practices that inspire confidence and growth.

Supportive community: Connection to like-minded others

Connection with a safe and welcoming community can be a powerful source of groundedness. Shared values and practices can provide comfort in the midst of distress, validation in response to suffering, and celebration in times of growth.  The routine gathering of a faith community gives opportunity to build relationship in a space that is supportive and responsive.  Although relational connection can feel vulnerable and tenuous for survivors of chronic trauma, nurturing spiritual communities can sometimes provide a patient, nurturing home for those who have been searching for a way to meaningfully connect with others.

Integration of spirituality in therapeutic process

There are a number of types of spiritual struggle that one might consider in the process of healing – whether through psychotherapy, spiritual direction, or self-exploration:

• Feeling harmed (neglected, abandoned, punished) by God or a divine entity.
• Desiring permission or validation to process spiritual struggles.
• Needing space to sit with the ambivalence that comes with one’s history of trauma and the ongoing desire to remain connected to a faith tradition.
• Feeling torn by loyalty to cultural tradition, in which engaging in spiritual questioning feels like a betrayal or a risk of further loss (loss of key family, support system, community, identity).

For these examples, among others, it can be of great benefit to find someone who can help explore and navigate the emotional and cognitive dissonance that can emerge when holding past trauma and present-day spirituality in mind.  Research suggests that the healthiest forms of spirituality are well-integrated into an individual’s inner world.  In other words, if an adult trauma survivor remains connected to a religious belief system or community out of guilt or fear, this may be reenacting components of their earlier traumatic experiences and keeping them stuck in some manner that warrants exploration.  However, for those who have found a way to begin integrating spirituality as a resource, such discussions can support ongoing growth.